There’s No Crying in Business!

I just read a good blog about crying at work, specifically as it relates to HR personnel crying/being sad when they have to let people go (http://hrringleader.com/2010/11/03/crying-at-work/). It basically said some people with firing authority are more emotional than others, but it all boils down to personalities.

But what about employees who cry over general management direction? How does that affect their managers and what can/should be done about it? I remember one woman who worked for me years ago who would cry whenever she received any type of constructive criticism – regardless of how delicately it was delivered. Since I was training her and her supervisor, it became a point of frustration for me because I felt I couldn’t provide direction without the water works starting up.

Now I’m a pretty nice, tactful person. I have a heart – I promise. And I’ve been in management long enough to have built up decent soft skills, so I can deliver just about any message in a professional, tactful way. But when you have employees who are extremely sensitive to direction, how do you handle it?

If you’re in management, hopefully part of the reason is you like helping people. So when you see someone more junior than yourself who needs a little career advice, is it your job to try to help them along? I personally think so. The catch is, not everyone will like it.

Working in a professional environment means this: be professional. Now I’m not talking about someone going through a really difficult time who sheds a few tears, I’m talking about people who boo-hoo at the drop of a hat. If you are the “cryer” please realize that although you may feel emotional about something, it’s not appropriate to constantly break down in the office. It distracts others and makes them feel uncomfortable. Excuse yourself and take a walk down the hall or outside until you can pull yourself together. You’ll be glad you did.

So what about my tearful employee? I finally sought advice from one of my mentors who suggested this: “Whenever she starts crying, tell her, ‘I can see you’re upset, so let’s take a 10 minute break and then we’ll meet here again to continue.’ Then get up and walk out.” It worked like a charm.

Getting Back in the Saddle

My grandpa’s funeral was rough. Not in the “we had it on a prairie with a storm brewing” rough, more in when it actually hit home for me. He was cremated and as a World War II veteran, the Navy had two servicemen who did the flag ceremony and presented the American flag to my grandma. It was very touching and the meaning really registered when you saw how important this was to my grandma. “On behalf of the President of the United States and the Navy, we thank your husband for his dedication and service to our country. And we are truly sorry for your great loss.” It meant a lot.

The brutal side was when the marble slab was laid aside and an empty space was made bare for my grandpa. Later there would be a plaque with his name and time on this earth that would forever immortalize him to church goers out in the courtyard. I hadn’t shed a tear until we said our last goodbyes, and when we kissed our fingers and laid them on the small golden box where Grandpa’s ashes lay, it all came out. We lived for 26 years in Texas, and they lived in Michigan, but we have great memories in the way of phone calls, emails and cards. Some visits, but not enough.

Very tough thing for us to go through, and yet, what about Grandma? How does she move forward when her husband and best friend for 62 years was no longer by her side? How, when every action, every morning day rings with the memories of a life broken by cancer? How does one move on from that?

Grief hits everyone in different ways. Whether it be a lost loved one, a lost opportunity, or even a lost sense of self. We all handle it in different ways, but one thing is certain: Life goes on and we must, too.

From a business perspective, an example could be losing a long time customer or a new technology makes our once great product obsolete. When it comes to things like that, how do you let go, move on and make the changes required to get ahead?

Sure, I could give you the old “put one foot in front of the other” cliché, but that would do a disservice to my Grandma and to you. So, when it comes to business at least, here are some key points you should consider to get moving in the right direction (another cliché?):

• Recognize the success of the past. It is perfectly acceptable to reminisce about the good old days and how great you had it. Go ahead, but just know there has to be a stopping point when it comes to grief, regardless of what capacity it comes in.

• Identify the key factors that were successful. Call this “Thinking Time” or “Lonely time” as I like to say. Why was your product successful? Was it product quality, marketing/promotions, industry leadership, research and development, team dynamics, advertising, bonus and incentives, or a combination? What were the top five areas (these are the ones that help with the next step)?

• What do we do next? Now let’s use our strengths we’ve identified to determine the next course of action. Oftentimes, we tend to focus only on what went wrong. While it is good to minimize mistakes in the future, it’s not so good in determining a course of action focused on your best foot forward. Spend time identifying 5 key focus areas over the next 30, 60 and 90 days to get you on track. List 3 activities, max, per focus area that are measurable and can be used to track progress. Remember – you want to move forward quickly and efficiently.

• Laser focus. I cannot stress the importance of staying focused on the task at hand. With everyone’s busy lives, it is easy to get sidetracked. Assign accountability and ownership, then have weekly meetings tracking progress, changing course when you need to, and making key decisions. Keep your eye on the ball!

• Finally, celebrate your new success. It is important to recognize a job well done, so do it right. Give your team a bonus, take the team and their significant others to dinner, hand out awards, promote deserving leaders, etc. Everyone likes a pat on the back, and being recognized for a job well done is vitally important.

As I’ve said before, my grandpa gave me a lot of sage advice and wisdom over the years, and I feel it’s something worth passing on.